A Picture is Practically Impossible to Get Out of My Mind

I am a visual person. Don’t tell me directions, draw me a map. Don’t tell me your name, show me your name tag.

Some people remember verbal information with extreme clarity. I cannot. But I do remember experiences like a vivid slideshow in my mind. Some of these images are worth remembering and some I wish I could forget.

One such visual memory has pestered me for many years (19 1/2 to be exact). It happened when a coworker organized a party to commemorate the finalization of his divorce. Instead of weeping, he decided to throw a bash and invite all his friends and coworkers. I don’t usually do well in social situations, but I decided to attend this party even though I am a ‘foot in the mouth’ kind of gal.

I am not kidding when I say this. I have once, and only once, felt socially superior at a party. This divorce party was that time.

I arrived late with a girlfriend of mine. I immediately hit the food table because then I would not have to converse with anyone. You know, my mouth is full, I can’t talk. It works well if you are only staying for a short time and on this night, I wouldn’t be staying long because it was the night before Thanksgiving and I had yet to purchase the turkey.

Anyway, I did feel superior this night because while I was standing in the kitchen surveying the assortment of appetizers, someone walked up to an acquaintance and depantsed her right before my eyes. Yes, that is correct. Yanked down her pants.

At that moment, I thought a number of things simultaneously. One, I didn’t realize anyone still wore big white cotton briefs. Two, I hoped I had a belt on and yes, I did. Three, I never imagined anyone thought depantsing was a good idea…ever. And four, I finally met someone who had less social skills than me. As the room erupted in screams, I turned to the perpetrator and said, “Might I suggest the bean dip?”

I was the calm in the eye of this storm. I had witnessed a truly, outrageously, embarrassing event that far out-shined any of my social gaffes, past or present. As the depantser exited the room, we all turned to console our friend and assure her we had not seen a thing. Ya, right.